Party Time, Excellent

I get to do this weekend, something that I haven’t done in a long, long time. Spend a couple long days with my tiny baby and I’m looking forward to it!

We were together today from around 4:30-on and we had a pretty good night. Granted, Emmy goes to bed at eight, but what can ya do. We had a good few solid hours together and it was cool.

I used to be with her three days a week from like 7:30 am until nearly 10 pm. It was a good time and I loved spending all that time with her, just father and daughter, straight chillin’. But she was a blob then and pretty incapable of getting into things and hurting herself severely. That’s not the case now, though!

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Coffee

Alright, alright, now I understand that it may be weird to have an entire post about coffee—or maybe not at all… I don’t know. What I do know is that without the magic substance, I might not be here today, you know, because I have a kid.

Now I know that there are those out there that don’t have a taste for coffee and those that seem to be anti-coffee, for some strange reason. I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong! Coffee is one of the greater things in life and if you don’t like it… you must be sick.

My friendship with Joe (Joe because it’s so funny and witty to call coffee Joe) began at age 23, shortly after I stopped drinking alcohol. I had never had much of a taste for coffee until I dropped one habit and picked up another. I know it sounds like it was just a replacement—and hell, maybe that’s what it is—but it feels like a lot more than that. Joe helps me focus and get the shit done that needs done and helps keep me from falling asleep at my desk at work after we have a rough night with Emmy. And that has happened, more than once—I’m just sayin’—moffuga gets tired bein’ a dad and all, haha.

Coffee has become my crutch—but in a good way; it helps support me in a non-deadly way such as alcohol was providing me. It’s actually pretty healthy for me, according to some studies, and that makes it even better. There really is nothing like a nice, black cup of coffee when you’re fighting to stay conscious or even when you’re just trying to relax, thus why it had to be written about more than just in an in-passing way. So there you have it—my little friendship story with coffee.

I love you, boo.

Stay-at-Home Parents

I guess today I’ve got a little ode to or a little shoutout to stay-at-home parents. I am not one myself but I know that being one has got to be incredibly tough.

I once found myself a part-time stay at home dad when we were still living in Vancouver, Washington and I worked full-time, four days a week, and Kayleigh worked full-time, three days a week. So I spent three full days with Emmy, from like 7am to 9pm, just the two of us, kickin’ it. Keep in mind, Kayleigh was doing it four days, from 9am to 10pm or later. This is all after she already had to (as if she minded) stay at home for something like seven weeks after Emmy was born for her maternity leave, which was unpaid, by the way.

I’ve got to say, in the months that I did the whole all-day parenting thing—it was hard, like, it whooped my ass. I’m surprised we both even made it back then, like, we’re both here and in one piece and I think that’s impressive. But I did have really hard days being with Emmy all by myself, and I mean ALL by myself. We lived in the PNW all alone, with no family near or anything. Okay, so Kayleigh’s cousin Tiffany lived in downtown Portland but she’s a doctor and we rarely saw her so that doesn’t count. And yes, she did have a great aunt and uncle that lived at the coast 2.5 hours away, but hey, they lived on the coast, 2.5 hours away…

Peruse On…

The Hard Times. The Best Times

Today I’m going to talk a little about those times when you’re super frustrated as a parent, the times where you just want to rip your hair out. I’m talking about the times where you have irrational thoughts like, “Why did I choose to have a kid?” or, “I wish I could put this little monster back.” These times usually come at night, either when you’re trying to get the little demon down to sleep or in the actual middle of the night when they wake up needing something from you. At times they come during the day though, too. Nap times can be just as challenging as bedtime.

I, myself, have had many of these moments and I have thought some things that I’m not proud of, but I have also learned—and it’s taken a lot of time to do so—how to calm myself down and how to actually try and enjoy those moments. If you remember that it is, in fact, your baby that you’re dealing with, it makes things a little bit easier. I then try to breathe slowly and remember the undeniable fact that I’m not going to have those moments forever. Not only will Emmy’s sleeping get better—and worse, at times—in the future, but one day she will leave the safety of my house and I won’t know where she’s sleeping or if there’s anyone there to take care of her.

Peruse On…

Think of the Children

Alright, so this post is probably going to be a little on the sad side, but this is sort of how I feel right now about the world in general, and about the future that I have to raise my daughter in. I’d like to be able to be worry-free, to be confident in the situations that I need to put her in in the future, and to say that I’m completely comfortable letting her out of my sight to do the things that a normal child needs to do. But I’m not.

I’m sure you all understand what I’m talking about, but let me give you an overview of some things that have happened too close for comfort in my life. These things were terrible at the time and are now even scarier considering things like this happen more and more often these days and the fact I have to send Emmy out into the world and risk her safety when shit is literally hitting the fan.

Sad

My Tales

When I was just eight-years-old, I was living in Broomfield, Colorado, and I had a pretty happy, unfearful childhood up until this point. I remember vividly coming home one April afternoon and the news was on in my house. I remember hearing the sadness and fear in the newscasters’ voices and seeing the reruns of children fleeing their school with their hands upon their heads, seeing SWAT teams attempting to get those kids out and to safety with their rifles drawn. I remember the horror of learning about what had happened and the realization that human-beings could do such terrible things to each other, and so close to me—only a few handfuls of miles to the south of me, actually. I’m talking about the Columbine High School Massacre on April 20, 1999.

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An Attempted Translation of Sophisticated and Hardly Describable Emotions

My Dearest Emerson,

Today is not your first Valentine’s Day, but the second; this is not your first year on this Earth anymore, but year number two, and I have to tell you, kid, I don’t know what I would do without you. You are my heart, my soul, my reason for breathing, for pushing, for changing. You are helping me take shape in a way I cannot explain—I am becoming a man that I was not before, becoming a person who wants to, who can, who will succeed, for you.

You, my baby, are my inspiration, my muse, my eternal devotion, and my tiniest of friends. Your love means to me something that I could never put into words—thus I do not know why I am attempting to do just so. I think it’s because I want you to have this, to look at, to reflect on, and to see just how much you meant to me, once upon a time. I hope that when you read this in the coming years you look to me and you know that I love you even more then. More than I can express that I do now, in 2018, while you’re still just an itty-bitty toddler, running around in your diaper, screaming, “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” at the top of your lungs in excitement.

Emmy, you hold the key to everything that is me. My success, my failure, my drive, my passions, my life—they all hinge on you. You see, when you came into this world, something inside me changed. I felt a shift at the very first moment I saw your beautiful face, the instant I heard your incredibly precious cry, the nanosecond that I first got to hold you after you were birthed into this world from your mother—in that moment I knew that something was different. At that time I felt that something had changed inside of me, forever.

Peruse On…

Date Night

I know that many of you aren’t going to care much about this, but not too long ago my twenty-seventh birthday came rolling by, and guess what? Well, it was the first time that we (Kayleigh and I) got to spend any time without Emmy in months! Well, I guess I get to go to work and school, but it’s the first time she’s really been without either of us for more than, like, an hour in the recent past. Not that I have anything against spending time with her or anything.

Any of you who are parents will understand how big a deal it is to get a night away from your children, and I gotta tell you, we enjoyed it.

The last time we got a night together, just us, was in September. We had just moved to Vegas and had gone down to Arizona to see my mom, and while we were there we went out to see IT. That was like four-and-a-half or five months ago! So it was time, well-deserved even, and we took advantage of the one chance we had to spend some real, quality time together.

Boyfriend Girlfriend

After I got home from work, we all hung out and spent a while playing as a family, and tried to cram in all the time we could get together before we had to leave our little girl behind. When you never spend really any amount of time away from your kids, it can be hard to do so, even when it’s for less than a handful of hours! Such is the case for Kayleigh at least! She has the hardest time leaving Emmy anywhere, with anyone; it’s kinda cute. Anyways, we played and played with Emmy, gave her snacks, and basically just made sure she wasn’t going to think that we had abandoned her, or didn’t love her anymore, or something. Kids are weird, and think all kinds of weird things for all kinds of reasons, okay?

Peruse On…