Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please.
Let me begin by telling you that babies aren’t always easy—as if that’s not something you’ve been told forever—and I’m here to let you know about something that rips out my heart, much like Lloyd Christmas does to the chef in Dumb and Dumber.
Emmy was born active and stubborn, strong-willed and, to put it lightly, strong in the physical sense, too. She’s been go, go, go and always on the move from the second she wakes up until the moment she goes down every night. She doesn’t quit is what I’m getting at; she’s constantly in motion—doing, exploring, learning. While this all may sound great, fine-and-dandy even, there are days when all I want to do is rip my fuckin’ hair out!
The girl doesn’t sit still, she doesn’t relax, she doesn’t… cuddle, or snuggle, in any way, and it’s rough, people, it really is. Try to imagine having something so adorable, so God-damn precious that you just want to hold it close, as close as possible, and squeeze the guts out of it (I know that sounds morbid, but what can I say? Love is a strange thing). Now imagine if that thing, or that person, wants none of it and will kick, claw, push, and sock ya one if you try to bend her to your will or want of cuddles. Sounds pretty harsh, doesn’t it?
Now, Emmy is perfect in every way, don’t get me wrong. But there are times where I just wish she would relax, slow down, would cuddle the shit out of me (literally if need be) and I’m here to complain about it. I know nobody likes a whiner, but can anybody tell me what in the world I’m supposed to do? Is this normal? Is she straight ADHD like her father or possibly an alien like her mother? Is she a crazy person and should I be looking into good hospitals that will accept me committing my one-year-old? These are all questions I have, and while some of them aren’t totally serious, I want to know why! Why won’t my baby cuddle Kayleigh and I?
Okay, there is the occasional super special moment where she will fall asleep on us or just want to feel safe and secure up against us, but those moments are rare. When they do happen, though, they’re like riding a unicorn fart through the chocolate river at Willy Wonka’s factory: pretty sweet.
She has no problem showing love: she gives and receives kisses no problem—sometimes even going so far as to try and kiss little boys she’s just met!—, she hugs us every chance she gets, she gives us those heartfelt, amorous, soul-capturing looks that make you want to melt like a chocolate bar forgotten in a pocket, she blows kisses when you tell her that you love her—sorry, this is a long sentence… give your brain a few seconds to breathe.
What I’m trying to say is that Emmy is absolutely, positively perfect in every way besides the one. I’m sure that the cuddles will come in time, though, and I’m wholly looking forward to them. Kayleigh and I need more baby-snuggles in our lives and we’re just patiently waiting for the day they arrive. You would want them just as badly as we do if you knew our little girl—and that could be kind of creepy, so stop it, I’m not afraid to go to prison.